idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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