that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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