The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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