the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
