I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
