So drunk its hurt
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
