I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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