I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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