Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
