everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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