im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
