Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
