Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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