when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Someone came in the potted fern
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
