Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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