I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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