If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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