That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
