And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no, he came in my armpit
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
