that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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