Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
too bad you live with your parents still
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
