have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
