Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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