I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
