u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
