I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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