I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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