I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
