I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
