Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
