Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
