you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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