Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
