You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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