Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
