he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
