it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
