she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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