how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
