yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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