Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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