My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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