is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
