Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
