She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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