i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
