No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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