im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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