I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
