Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
